Dear USPS,
We had a deal, didn't we? I filled out the forms, and you said you would forward my snail mail. So where is it? I mean, I got a couple of pieces, but lately... ? Are you guys just keeping it and having fun with it? Making paper airplanes? I don't care about the ads, but I really need that AMEX card so I can learn the new expiration date.
Dear AMEX,
I get that you won't tell me the new expiration date over the phone, but is there any way at all you could give me a hint? My card expires in 2 days and I have some recurring automatic withdrawal financial obligations that need to be fulfilled. Inquiring minds want to know!
Dear T-Mobile,
I know it isn't your fault that my parents live in an area that has no service to my cell phone, I'm just not happy about it and I wanted you to know.
Dear Comcast,
Really? It takes 3 to 9 days to switch my email address from my old address to my parents? Wow, that's some kind of 20th century technology there.
Dear people/businesses who are trying to send me emails,
Sorry. Don't give up on me, it will work soon. I think...
Dear Bank of America,
Love you guys. No, really. I pray every day that God won't strike you dead for your questionable foreclosure/mortgage/short sale practices. (Bonuses to the employees who meet the foreclosure quotas? Are you kidding me?)
So... since everyone else in America hates you and my prayers and I are the only things that stand between you and certain death, I think you ought to seriously consider my offer on the short sale. After all, it's 94.4% of the appraisal (which has some flaws in it), it's the only decent offer you have received, and the house has been sitting vacant for over a year. Why not sell it to me and get it off your books? I'll still pray for you. Promise.
Love and kisses,
Homeless me.
