It's science

 A cat can have kittens in the oven, but that don't make 'em biscuits.

Not all graduation gifts are created equal.

Parents, 

Before you fall into the social media trap of having K-12 teachers sign the same book for your child as a high school graduation keepsake, think about what your child (young adult) will do with that book in the days, weeks, years following graduation.

If your offspring is not sentimental, will they take that book to college with them?  Will they bring it back home? When they leave the nest will they take it with them?  Will they sit down with it once a year and read through all the tributes?  Will they read it to their children and grandchildren as a way of promoting themselves?  What if they never reach the success promised to them in that book?  Will they feel good about themselves?  

What will they do with that book?

How many copies of that book will end up at Goodwill in 15 years?

You know the book of which I speak.  I won't mention it here because I hate to promote it and I hate to promote this tradition.

Oh, it starts out great.  The kindergarten teacher wrote the nicest things about your little wunderkind.  In fact she took the whole back page to express just how your absolutely amazing angelic bit of DNA wrote not only their alphabet and numbers but also a five paragraph treatise on why composting the leftover lunch refuse would be good for the environment and put an end to global warming forever- complete with graphs.  The first grade teacher was similarly complimentary, but didn't use the whole page.  Fast forward to the 5th grade teacher and you might get two sentences.

This is where I come in.  I now teach 6th grade.  It's middle school but the traditions are still strong with this group.  For the first time in my career, I was asked by a number of parents (who all thought they were being original) to write a little something for their kiddos to receive at high school graduation, read frequently and cherish forever.

These are all wonderful, caring parents.  Decent people with big dreams for their kids.  But I don't think they remember what it was like to be in middle school.  The student that was described as "so caring" four years ago is now a great lump who sits in class and does nothing but dish out negative comments to their classmates on a daily basis.  The one who was "incredibly creative" in elementary school now whines when asked to design a board game that teaches the scientific method.  The one who was "always in a good mood"? Suspended for vaping.

It's not the kids' fault they are suddenly incredibly ordinary and consistently annoying.  It's puberty.

The simple fix for this is to NOT have the middle school teachers sign the book at all.  Wait until high school when the kids become real people again and then continue the tradition.  I guarantee the graduate will not even notice the absence of those pesky teachers who just kept nagging them to turn in their work.

But if you insist on carrying through with this- a few suggestions to make the process smoother:

1) Ask us before Christmas break.  The glow of the new school year doesn't fade until about February, so you'll be getting a much better view of your child than you will get at the end of the year when we are emotionally, mentally and physically tired.

2) Realize that we only see your child for about 48 minutes per day.  Much of that time is spent with the lessons, so deep personal interactions are minimal and we do not get to know your child like the elementary teachers did.

3) Realize that many of us have 125 or more students per day.  If I had to sign 125 of those books, I would not write anything meaningful.  I would just break out the ink pad and stamp of my signature and get to work...

4) Be very specific about whether this is a surprise for your child.  It is easy to mix up the books that go back to the parent in the brown paper bag and the ones that get handed to the child.  Also, if there are middle schoolers carrying the books around in the school, you can bet that the other students will see the book and the whole concept will no longer be special.  It might be a surprise to your student that they get this at graduation, but they will have seen the idea previously.  

5) When you ask, give us a way out.  I declined all the requests this year because it was overwhelming.  I simply could not come up with anything meaningful for each request in the short amount of time I was given. 

6) Ask yourself why you are doing this.  It might be that you want to keep the book at your house long after your bird has left the nest.  You want to reflect back and read the nice things people have said about you your student.  You want to have a written record to show others. It's natural to want to brag about yourself kiddo, but there comes a time when it's just embarrassing.  Let it go.  It will be ok.

I love all my incredibly ordinary and consistently annoying students.  We've had a great time this year and frankly, I will miss them.  On the last day of school I will say goodbye, wish them all well, and tell them to come see me next year when they are "big 7th graders".

And then I will start planning for next year.

Back to reality soon!

 We set our clocks to Standard Time in about a week.  Finally!  What a silly stupid thing we do twice a year.  We should leave it on Standard Time.  

I have an acquaintance who thinks that the reason it is darker in the winter is because we change our clocks.  She is convinced that there would be more light if we stayed on DST.  When I mentioned that there is naturally different amounts of light in a 24 hour period depending on the season, she just blinked at me.  Couldn't comprehend that regardless of our clocks, winter is just darker.   Tilt of the earth and all that.

And she teaches science.  

Sigh.

Stop hitting "Reply to all"!!!!!

I hate group emails.  Not because the sender wants to give info to lots of people at once, but because the recipients often respond to EVERYONE with personal greetings that belong to just one person in the group.

WHY DO YOU DO THAT?????

Seriously, WHYYYYYY???????

Are you too stupid to find the ONE email address in the group and just send your birthday/anniversary/recovery wishes to the ONE person who merits them?

Or, do you want the rest of us to know how caring and loving you are that you went to the trouble to click and comment and now we can all read it...???  UGH. 

I've mentioned this before.  I have asked politely that you don't reply to ALL.  I have asked that our group emails be blind-copy so that this idiocy is weaned out of the group.  I've even sent memes as reminders, all to no avail.

You are clogging up my inbox and annoying the snot out of me. 

STOP IT.

If I ran the country...

I don't want to be president.  I can't be president.  Only a crazy person would want to be president.

BUT- if I were president, I would change how we do income taxes in this country.

First- there would be no filing of taxes every year.  It's such a waste of time.  Your employer would take your taxes up front and that would be it.  The only folks who would have to file would be ones who get tips or work as freelancers.  This means we wouldn't need the IRS except for maybe a dozen agents.  The rest would have to find legitimate careers.  Saves money right there.

Second- you would only pay 10% of your income.  No loopholes, child credits, exemptions, or other hogwash.  10%.  Everyone.  You use the country's infrastructure, you pay.  This includes the filthy rich.

Third- you only have to pay taxes for 50 years.  From the age of 20 to 70, you pay taxes.  Before and after you can make as much as you want without paying taxes on that income.

This is all for the federal government.  The states would have sales tax of no more than 10%.  Of course, groceries would be untaxed and every August school supplies would be untaxed, but other than that, 10%.

A government that can't run itself on this should be ashamed of itself.  

Moses, you can't be serious...

Somewhere in the desert...

Moses: Ok folks, I know these snake bites are painful and you are dying, but I have a solution. I made a big bronze snake and put it up on a pole so everyone can see it. Just look at it and you won't die. 

Israelite 1: You want me to look at a snake? 

Israelite 2: Isn't that idolatry? 

Israelite 3: I don't like snakes. 

Israelite 4: We've never looked at snakes before. 

Israelite 5: My husband doesn't really like Moses, so we aren't going to look at the snake. 

Israelite 6: I have to go over that hill and squint real hard into the sun to see that snake. Might not be worth the trip. 

Israelite 7: I have a natural immunity to snake bites. 

Israelite 8: Moses isn't the boss of me. 

Israelite 9: I know my rights, you can't make me look at a snake. 

Israelite 10: Hey, I bought this medicine from a passing trader.  He says it's for worms. Those are just small snakes, right? 

And Moses wept.

Finally, rain

Blessed rain! After almost two weeks of smoke, the skies opened up this morning- lightning flashed, thunder rolled, and the rain scoured out the foul air and brought a huge measure of normalcy to this damaged part of the country. It's like a weight has been lifted. Remember to pray for those who lost so much in the wildfires- it is heartbreaking to see the news.

Day 5 of the wildfire smoke

Some media are saying that the air quality is "beyond hazardous", that it can't be measured. Whatever. I just know that it is lighter outside today than yesterday but it isn't because of less smoke, it's just smoke that is more white than brown. I am glad to not be evacuating, but I am tired of feeling like a brisket. Monday's predicted rains can't arrive soon enough for us. Praying for the firefighters and those who have lost everything.

Be a teacher, they said...

Be a teacher, they said,

     you are good at explaining things!

Be a teacher, they said,

     you are very smart.

Be a teacher, they said,

     you are creative and good with kids!

Be a teacher, they said,

     you will have a good pension when you retire.

Be a teacher, they said,

     technology will never be able to replace a live person who has a relationship with a class.

What they never said was that some day in the future, while America was sleeping, China would unleash a weapon of war on the world called Covid-19 and education as we know it would be irrevocably changed.

As it turns out, I am not good at explaining things on Zoom.  I'm not even remotely smart with how to assign, assess, or advance my students remotely.  My creativity has gone out the window.  I'm 10 years too young to retire, and technology that I don't fully understand has replaced me.

As a teacher, you always hope to get your students to learn on their own- to make yourself obsolete.
I never thought it would happen to all my students.  All at once.  Overnight.

But wait- it gets worse!

2 years ago, my boss suggested that I become an administrator.  I just finished a two-year Administrator Certificate program at WSU- 1 year of that included an internship.  There are now no jobs available for administrators in the dozen districts within driving distance.  If you thought teachers were useless when there is no school, administrators are more so!

When there are no students, you don't need anyone in charge of discipline.
When enrollment is down and there are fewer teachers, you don't need anyone in charge of evaluating instruction.

Obsolescence squared.

Maybe I could drive for Amazon.  Of course, I'm an excellent driver.

Dear DNA

Dear DNA,
I'm 12% Swedish?  Who knew!?  No wonder I have an affinity for that blue and yellow store...

Dear KitKat

Dear KitKat,

Some things should just NOT be pumpkin spiced...

Gimme a break.

Dear Candidate for public office

Dear Candidate for public office,
I saw your sign at the intersection yesterday and it totally convinced me to vote for you.

Said no one ever.

Dear Y

Dear Y,

Y do I love you?  Let me count the reasons...

Your pool is warmer than the athletic club I belonged to in the past.  Your pool is 25 yards instead of 20 which means fewer flip turns.  Your pool is cleaner than the athletic club's and the locker rooms are nicer.  Your hours fit my schedule better and most importantly, you are one-fourth the cost.

Yay you!

Dear Drivers in my Town

Dear Drivers,

It's called a TURN SIGNAL INDICATOR.  It's located right there on your steering column.  Yup- that thing that sticks out that you never use.
Right.  You can actually communicate with other drivers by pushing the stick up or down to indicate you are about to turn or change lanes.
I know!  Pretty great invention, right?  If used correctly, it might even bring about World Peace.
Ok, ok...  Freeway Peace.
Gotta start somewhere.

Me.

Dear Family and Friends,

Dear family and friends,

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!  and the Happiest of New Years!

We aren't sending cards this year but we sure appreciate the ones we have received from you!  We'll be back next year with news and pictures!

2017 was a pretty good year for us.  Kiddo started out with a large role in Journey's James and the Giant Peach, Jr.  and then she decided that behind the spotlight would be more fun so she signed up for crew duty in three plays!  

We didn't do any traveling over the summer, just stayed at home and reorganized cupboards.  Well, I reorganized cupboards while kiddo attended Improv Invasion and Shakespeare camp with Journey Theater Arts Group, 

Worldview Academy Camp in Salem, OR, and our church high school camp.  Sometimes I wonder if there is summer camp for moms...

I was blessed to be able to teach Geometry last year to 8th graders.  It is typically a 10th grade class, but these kids were advanced two years in math.  We had a blast learning logic and proofs and even some trig.  We ended the year by firing rockets and calculating their height using homemade clinometers.  My classes this year are not quite as erudite, but still full of wonderful kids who like to learn.  As weird as teaching has gotten, I really appreciate my job and the people with whom I work.

Kiddo has switched to a local Christian school for the last two years of high school.  She is still drawing and is expanding her artistic outlook to photography as well.  We are looking ahead to college- exploring the options and learning a lot in the process.  Maybe George Fox, maybe Corban, maybe...?   She also got baptized this fall which was really cool.

We are ending the year by replacing our kitchen floor- not by choice, but because the fridge spewed water all over the laminate and we weren't fast enough to mop it all up before it got into the baseboards and drywall.  Ugh.  Not my favorite thing.

As of yesterday, the mold has been defeated, the new vinyl floor is in, and soon my wonderful brother will help me with the drywall.  Yay!
We are healthy, we are warm, we are out of the weather and we hope you are the same.  We pray for those affected by the hurricanes and fires this past year- may God hold them close.

Hoping for snow soon,
Love & peace,
Us

UPDATE:  We actually GOT snow!  Christmas Eve starting around 9am, and on through the day!  Made it tricky to get to family for festivities, but thanks to dad, we managed and we spent a leisurely day with my folks on Monday.  Yay!

Dear George Frideric Handel

Dear GFH,
Thanks for MESSIAH.  It's Just. So. Good.

Dear Standard Time

Dear Standard Time,

Welcome back!  I've missed you.  I feel normal again.  I wish you could stay longer.

Now if I could only convince the whiners at work that the amount of darkness we get during the winter has nothing to do with our clocks, and everything to do with the latitude at which we live...

Dear Wendy's

Dear Wendy's,

Whoa.  Your new chicken tenders and S'Awesome sauce are AMAZEBALLS.  Thank you.

Dear NFL

Dear NFL,

We need to break up.  It's not me, it's you.  You have changed.  You used to be entertaining and a great way to spend a Sunday afternoon.  You used to provide a common culture at work and in my classroom, something to talk about when the other events of the day seemed too burdensome.  The strategic plays, the amazing runs, the physical feats of strength- all something to talk about and re-hash and groan or celebrate depending on one's team affiliation.

Now? You have gotten political and divisive.  The "men" that disrespect this great (albeit flawed) country have set themselves up as more important than their team or their league or their viewers.   If they don't like it here why don't they do something constructive to fix the perceived problems?  Or, if they are too lazy to be constructive, why don't they just move to another county?  There are lots of countries out there, plenty from which to choose.  No one is forcing them to stay in the dreaded USA and get fame and fortune from football.

More importantly, why are you allowing them to cause such disunity?  Aren't you the one that makes and enforces the contracts?  Why don't you fine them?  Are you afraid of them? 

I will miss you.  I know there are other things I can watch while running a couple of loads of laundry on a Sunday afternoon, but for decades you were my favorite.

Take care,
Me